I was watching a song from Ae Dil Hai Mushkil and it slowly dawned upon me that I was having the ARILFS or the KKSDS symptomology again. What are these? These are mental conditions found among the male species across the Indian continent in very little concentration and is essentially about these guys finding themselves not attracted to women who are otherwise worshiped for their oomph and sensuality. The Aishwarya Rai Induced Failure to Fantasize Syndrome or the Katrina Kaif Sexual Disassociation Syndrome is not due to stress or workplace issues or a disturbed childhood. Contemporary psychology has no answers for why such men don't find such beautiful women the least attractive—not saying that you have to ogle and get charged-up whenever beautiful women are on the screen but the WOW sentiment is just not there!
So, we have zero WOW, but HOW?
Instead, these men left wondering if they are sexually deviant. Some try tracing the root of the problem to their childhood days but it emerges that they can beat-off to slightest skin show but when it comes to these gorgeous women dressed in skimpy dresses, the guns don’t fire, the bombs are not dropped, torpedoes are not launched and mission to moon does not make past the first stage.
Why does this happen?
For starters, men have their sexually-overwhelmed brain wired in a very different way than any other mammal, including women. The weirdest things, like an expression on the face of their house-maid, dressed like an Eskimo, can give them a boner. The slightest indication of a pallu sliding to the slightest angle can initiate a chain reaction that leads to their minds plummeting to the deepest hells of sexual depravity. However, some ultra-beautiful women who have majority of mankind on the Asian sub-continent worshiping them, fail to catalyze anything carnal. Alcohol or Valium cannot solve this.
Why? Some immediate answers endorsed by leading Nobel scientists include:
- these women remind them of Salman and the word “Bhai” comes to mind and on most occasions, these mental images ensure that nothing even remotely erotic can settle or else there is a danger of being run-over - even if you are seated inside your home - by a madly racing car
- men cannot enjoy it when the deal is that good - they keep thinking, what is the catch? The reality that everything is not an exchange deal on Amazon is yet to get settled in their minds
- men feel challenged by people so flawless - a rare scenario when they agree that “people” includes an otherwise different species called “women”. Plus, the presence of folks who got a deal that defeats all human rationale, like Abhishek Bachchan, makes them question the concept of flawlessness itself
- some men are bipolar - more than you know of! They have certain hours in the day when they are carnally wired and during this time, seeing flamingos in the mating season too can kick-start tantalization and when the wiring has gone cold, nothing excites
- some men keep seeing dead people moving around like real people - like that weird kid in the Sixth Sense - but closer to reality, some men are so immersed into a plethora of digital interfaces that their minds are too overworked without them realizing how their lifestyle is killing their libido
- beauty lies in the eye of the beholder - but the beholder is so damn obsessed about booty & these women aren’t flaunting it. You cannot blame these men with Instagram has a million women posting rear-glorification every minute
- maybe it is a case of perfection killing desirability or maybe it’s Maybelline - some men find more security in women who are somewhat flawed. Some sort of cope-up mechanism that is rooted into their psychology
- some men carry childhood wounds of having being walked-on when watching these women on TV. While they were being industrious with their little soldiers someone did not knock twice, barged-in and then, psychological scarring for life followed [don't roll your eyes you pervert...you know it happens]
- too much beauty reminds them of their own ugliness - yes, most males are downright well-groomed Shreks and one thing we learned from the humble, algae-green Ogre was that attraction towards what seems like ET-level perfectness is 'hard' and thus, the lack of 'hardness'
If your guy cannot own-up to having heard about this urban phenomenon, burn the book titled “Honest Relationships”
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