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Voyeuristic Decadence: What if you could crap like Richard Branson?

billionaire neckar island property
This is not about the billionaire guru’s bowel movement, the consistency or the regularity of it or his constipation battles. This was during a small marathon of breezing through lifestyle channels and TV shows that I have begun to hate because they are potentially really good but never seem to be aired during a time of the day when I can watch them along with the rest of the world. I caught a few minutes of catching-up with a celebrity type of program that featured Richard Branson. This show would take you deep into his private island paradise. Turns out that the Virgin head owns a toilet seat that is like a throne with a personal island view and the serenity that people like me don’t even know about. This personal and sacred toilet seat happens to be situated in such a way that Richard Branson can view untamed oceans for miles without any ship or commercial vessel. The Necker Island is like a vacation pad for the billionaire. I was just thinking what it would be like to take a crap like this guy.

Just imagine that you no longer have a bathroom that you have always wanted to dress-up and groom more than its current state of being just-about-good. Just imagine no real walls. Just 360° view of blue water oceans without caring for a soul. Not having to worry about the pressure in the sprinkler/faucets since something situated in the middle of a water country couldn’t possibly have water supply issues…agreed, that was too Asian of me to mention! The wind speed would be such that no mosquito would bother you…wait, the Asian thing again?

Getting cultured as I moved ahead – this is unlike the term ‘island paradise’ that we read so much when catching-up with celebrity news. This is beyond the wisdom that is hidden in Richard Branson quotes. These ocean views and that sense of accomplishment that comes with crapping in such luxury despite being close to the epicenter of the civilized world just cannot be compared with owning a private jet or a new set of 4 wheels that few men can own. There is absolutely no parallel to not giving a crap when doing your crap like this – I recall no account of anything remotely similar in History classes, given that the Neanderthals too might have done something but that period has the evolutionary monkey on their back.

The closest I can get is to carrying a plastic, foldable chair and panning it out near a riverside next time I plan a vacation. Wait, this would be in a Volvo bus, with a dhaba to eat at, at a stay-at-home rental with breakfast for two as that is not Asian you sick freak...that is the reality of OUR lives!!

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