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Just Some Fleeting Thoughts about ‘Could Have Been Better’

Regrets, Marriage | Talking About Life
I have been constantly cutting out the psychological flab that tends to weigh heavily in my mind. Just like unwanted adipose deposits, these feelings of regret and not getting the chance of redemption can kill your spirit, downright bury it so deep that you find the daily routine too hard. The progress has been good. I have let go, forgotten, forgiven, and embraced most things in my life.

However, every now and then, some momentary thoughts do surface when I hear about someone getting hitched. Yes, marriage-related discussions, no matter how short or long don't make me nostalgic. Instead, a feeling dwells that things could have been done a lot better. In the months following my tying-the-knot moment, I realized that my limited social interactions had taken another bite without my realization…a bite from my pie of happiness.


There were so many things, including some major logistics of the event that were lost primarily due to my inadequate knowledge how these once-in-a-lifetime events should be planned. Though this is not a typical regret, which I have now learned to let go, it does surface, sometimes for a mere couple of minutes, sometimes when having the morning tea. Again, this is not a question, quiz or problem that needs a resolution or an accurate answer – some things are just the way they are – not meant to upset you, not inclined to make you happy – they just occupy a bit of floor space in your mind!

Updated on January 30, 2018 [confessions from not too long ago]


Recently, I have been having these visions that are slightly introspective and somewhat disturbing. This is about the time when I was seriously pissed-off about how the family was not holding itself together during times that were challenging but not impossible to navigate across - home seemed more like a living space for disjointed individuals who cared, knew each other but could not reach out in a manner that made an impact. During this period, which was rather long, my psychological deterrents surfaced, i.e. creating mental blocks that tend to impair productivity, patronize pessimism and leave little room to be a fighter, never a winner, always circumspect about life itself. During this phase I could see my mother becoming more worried, the physical health too had started deteriorating but I chose to stay aloof. This cannot be called a cocoon since I was not insulated from what was happening around me. I had not created a wall of positive thoughts and mental toughness that could help me get through this period. I simply chose to be ignorant, be less concerned, made a choice that would haunt me in the longer run, and did not have the composure that is expected from a 20-something, reasonably educated and decently-informed young man - to this, I confess!

4 comments:

  1. Retracing the Thoughts and Adding More Opinions
    I have realized one big thing - it really does not matter what was done wrongly, by whom and to what extent if you have the power to move on. Most of us remain stuck in a zone of over-analyzing the past, not realizing that unless you are ready to dump these energy-sapping thoughts, you will never be able to get through the day in a normal, more human way. Yes, You need to reconnect with your feelings but without the demise of positive thoughts, not allowing the unpleasantness that creates layers, to overpower you

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  2. Retracing the Thoughts and Adding More Opinions
    You also need to understand your type. If you are the kind who lets psychological health dictate terms, you are in a bad spot and you need to create barriers around you, not to repel people who can get you down, but to cut-off ruminations of the mind that can over-analyze the smallest things and catalyze stress-multiplying tendencies. These barriers are about controlling the snowball effet. Dont allow a couple of anxiety-inducing thoughts to ruin your day. As soon as you realize that your mental state is now taking a toll on your skin, hair, immunity or gastric health - stop, take a leave, unwind, give yourself the leverage of recovering and then rejoin the daily grind in a more settled way.

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  3. Retracing the Thoughts and Adding More Opinions
    I believe there is always for some regrets, feelings that don't go away just because you have become a master of banishing negativity. I recall that a few years back, I would hunt down my batchmates on Facebook and when I would see a couple of guys who have really done well in academics, career, and seem rather healthy, and start thinking about how my life seems to fade away in comparison. This is not really jealousy, and even if it is, there is nothing bad about it. This is normal human behavior. However, if I allow this sentiment to spoil my mood, am doing something wrong, and if I allow the comparison to bitch about the futility of my daily schedule, am not regretting my moves as a young adult but ripping apart the fabric that holds together my life even when am middle-aged...

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  4. Retracing the Thoughts and Adding More Opinions
    One of the most common thoughts I have about things that could have handled better is about the period when Parkinsonian was just settling in the family but my proactive approach during this time was sidelined for trying to be too assertive. As a result, this neuro-muscular degeneration became chronic and too invasive. Now, when I talk to my family about how they could have been better at this phase of their life as a senior, a sense of gloom overcomes - but no one realizes that I had tried to be very honest and helping - a bygone that will never be buried in the real, literal sense.

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